If it is legal, it can't be that crazy...right?!?

Well I had heard about this Salvia grass they sell right in the mall that supposedly makes you trip. Well, I decided to try some this past weekend. I figured, what the heck? It's my birthday, I'm up for anything. Not to mention it is legal and from what I heard, it lasts like 10-15 minutes. So, if I don't like how I feel, I'll be over it it in no time.

HA! The intense trip probably lasted 10-15 minutes, but I was crawling out of a time-space warp for at least an hour. It was the craziest experience I have ever had. Because I didn't expect to experience what I did, I spent the whole trip amazed at what was happening and trying to explain to everyone what was happening. I was likely very annoying. There really is no way to describe it other than I kind of felt like my mind was like on of those Xbox commericals where the person's head is open in the back and you can see into it. I felt like I was wondering around in the back of my head, and i could walk up to my eyes and look out at the world if I wanted to, but then I would walk back and I couldn't see anything. I could hear people calling to me, but had no idea where they were or how to find them. At one point I finally found Josh (even though he was holding me and looking right at me) and I remember asking him to hold on to me and keep me here because I wanted to stay looking out of my eyes. It was crazy!

Once I could permanently look out my eyes, I still felt like I was right on the edge. Like I was in this weird tunnel or under water, and I kept almost getting my head outside the tunnel or above the water but I just never got there. I think I would like to try it again now that I know what to expect, and just roll with it instead of trying to explain it to myself and everyone around me. I've video googled, and there is this guy Jim who records himself on Salvia trips. It appears he is describing much of what I was experiencing. Definitely a Long Strange Trip.

If you try it, you should definitely have a sober friend around to watch after you and reassure you all is well!

The end of another year.

Well, 7 days until I'm 33, and 6 until my hubby is 29! At least HE is still in his 20s! Ah well, this is life isn't it? I find myself appreciating it more and more lately. Could be this new lease on life. I have not finished A New Earth. I'm just not much of a reader, but I have continued to carry the lessons with me and try to read just a little bit here and there to continue my journey. It really has helped me stay out of the negative flow of thought that usually corrupts my brain! I'm sure the meds are helping. Lexapro is so far so good!

I'm on a break with teaching. I still have to submit my grades, but the end of the semester wrapped up very nicely. Just a few Ds and Fs. I'm excited to start a new semester, but nervous about the new class I'll be teaching. I need to get reading (uh-oh) so I know what I'm teaching:) But at least the 2 sections of what I taught this semester will be a breeze since I've already taught it once. I'll be teaching T/TH and T evenings. So, that is nice. Not as many lectures to prep for as when you have a 3 day a week class.

The biggest thing I'm excited about is having our credit cards paid off. I had planned on being done by Dec, but things never go as planned. I needed new tires, we went to St. Thomas, and we had massive vet bills! So, now if everything goes as planned I should be paid off by the end of January! Fingers crossed. It will feel so freeing!

It has been nice that for the first time in forever, I am not scrambling to figure out how to pay for those unexpected expenses. This teaching job is really great for the added income if nothing else. Weird how when the rest of the world is freaking out about the economy, we are actually doing fairly well. However, the adjunct thing is never a sure thing, so I am hoping to save save save after January and getting the debts paid!

Oh what else can I bore you with??? It is cold and snowy and up until yesterday I was walking my dogs every night. THey love this snow! But, the below zero temps are just a little too low for my or the dogs liking. Hopefully it warms up a little or they'll be bouncing off the walls.

Christmas shopping is done on my end, but not Josh's. He is a procrastinator. Not sure, but I think a Wii is in store for our family! That will be fun if I am right. Can't tell for sure with that sneaky man!

Okay, well, that is enough rambling for now! Merry Christmas and Happy Winter Holidays to all!

I'm not allowed at Urgent Care anymore.

So, for the second time in a week I walked out of Urgent Care. Well, not really but kind of. The first time I was in there for my supposed adverse reaction to the wellbutrin. I thought I was having an allergic reaction, but in reality, I think I was having an anxiety attack. Either way, the doctor was not acknowledging either issue. I finally just left.

Well, last night. Josh and I were wrestling. We were having so much fun actually, but too much horseplay results in injury. "Someone's gonna get hurt!!" All of a sudden my earring got hooked on his tooth and as we separated he grabbed his mouth and I my ear. I was sure his tooth was hurt. I have some pretty serious weapons as earrings. But, upon further investigation it was actually my ear that got the raw end of the deal.

I wouldn't look at it because I was nervous about how bad it was, but Josh was convinced we needed to go to Urgent Care for stitches. I was still convinced we could just glue it. So, we got to UC and the Dr. said yes, we will glue it. There was a wait. I didn't want to wait because as I suspected, we could glue it. So, we left. We glued it! Yay.

I'm pretty sure Urgent Care thinks I'm a freak though. Here is my injury all glued up:)

Another Unexplained Absence

So, I've been absent again. Sorry peeps. I'm sure there are so many of you just dying for an update. Well, I've been sick. I'm still not sure why or what it was. I think it was a combo of the flu the side effects of the Wellbutrin I had started. Either way I was out of it for a good 4-5 days. And now I have a head/chest cold. Fun times!

Before I got sick, I committed to a new journey. A quest to refocus, re-energize, and find value in my life again. I decided that I would start taking anti-depressants despite my reluctance and truly commit to therapy. The Wellbutrin did not sit well with me at all! I will hopefully find something that works when I visit the doctor this week. I have my 3rd therapy appointment this week. Last week was very good and set me on a great path. I had a wonderful holiday weekend. There were some set backs and old props I leaned against, but I can easily recognize them now. I can only do my best, which will never be perfect, but I'm not trying to be perfect.

I bought the two books above in an effort to help me focus my energies. I talk a big game, but often I do not walk the talk. It was also called to my attention in therapy that my negative self is always waiting in the wings to jump out and scold me or those around me. She needs to take a chill pill! I'm hoping these books help me to tell my negative self to go take a breather. It is funny, even as I read the Four agreements, I find myself nearly crying. Crying because I know a lot of what I've been doing is so unhealthy for me and those around me, and crying because I don't know if I'm ready to let go and truly make a change, and crying because I'm scared to see what happens if I do really invest in this change. I'm such a huge creature of habit and control.

I haven't even started A New Earth. The Four Agreements are going to be difficult enough. They sound so simple, yet the agreements I have already made throughout my life are so ingrained in my being that it will be difficult to break them and enter into these new ones. I'm am excited though. Only good can come from what is on the Horizon.

For those of you who have an interest, the four agreements that I am attempting to incorporate into my life on a permanent basis are:
1. Be impeccable with my word...(NO MORE GOSSIP, NO MORE HATEFUL SELF TALK.)
2. Do not take anything personally...(If I'm being impeccable with my word, than your issues with me are more about you than me.)
3. Don't make assumptions. (about myself or others...ask questions!)
4. Always do your best. (My best will look different everyday, maybe every minute, but if I'm trying my best in the moment, than I won't set myself up for failure.)