Still work to be done.

Wow. I had a great time at work yesterday. In perfect alignment with my new journey of reconfiguring my brain to be more positive, we had a Laughter Yoga and Meditation Instructor come to work with us at a self care workshop. It was great. I really enjoyed myself and the time spent with coworkers just being silly. Additionally, the guided meditation was exhilarating. There were many times I was smiling in amazement about where I was in my mind. He also gave us a great little mantra....

I love you. I'm sorry. Please Forgive Me. Thank You.

It roots are in Buddhism I believe is what he said. The basic premise is that we go into all interactions with a preconceived notion of the person with whom we are going to interact. By saying this prior to those interactions, especially if we fear they will be stressful, this can help to calm our minds. You are no longer thinking about how bad it is going to go, rather you are focusing on the statement which creates a different space in which the interaction can exist.

It really fits perfectly in everything I have learned up until now about not taking things personally and understanding that everyone comes into being through their own stories and experiences. Those are the only things they have to frame who we are, so we can't beat ourselves up so much based on others reactions to us. Additionally, we can't beat them up either because they may not be at a point where they recognize the same things we do.

That being said, I was faced with putting this into action yesterday and I am still wrestling with it today. I got to the workshop late and I jumped right into the laughing exercise that was taking place. It was not until after the workshop that I was told I got eye rolls from a woman from another agency. It was then discussed by her and her coworker as to whether or not I was wearing a bra. In addition to this day, I also found out that she has previously asked my coworkers what they "think" about me. Hearing all of this, I immediately became defensive and pissed and sad and questioning "who am I?" "what did I do to create this hostility?" However, looking back on the way this woman interacted in the workshop, her energy was very low and quite negative. She did not want to be there. I would guess our energies are very different and slightly at odds. Something about her story has me playing a part I'd rather not play. But, I can't help that. I have to realize it isn't personal. Or perhaps it is...perhaps I have slighted her at one point although I do not remember meeting her. Even so, her story has prevented her from seeking me out to discuss such a slight, so again, I can't fix what I do not know is wrong either.

What is frustrating is that I still find myself thinking about it today. Obviously...I'm typing this whole darn thing, aren't I? But, I think I'll be okay. And btw, I was not wearing a bra then and I'm not wearing one today either. In my story, that is perfectly fine:-)